Rumor has it that the LaDaSun will publish a three-part exposé of a recently-formed organization known as the SWim Equipment Annual Registration (And Tax) for Winnipesaukee (Or SWEARATWINNI). According to a well-placed source, the paper’s crack investigative reporter hacked into the computer of the organization’s secretary and discovered its manifesto while hanging out in the school library between gym class and 7th grade English.
Shockingly, swim raft registration is only the first step in the organization’s audacious plan. If successful with this step, the members plan to propose legislation calling for the registration and taxation of noodles, inflatable rafts and ‘swimmies’ and requiring permanently-attached brass identification plates on all such items. The legislation will take effect 1/1/2012 and initially contain a two-year sunset provision to allow an opportunity to study the law’s impact. The next 5 pages of the manifesto consist of a public relations package, suitable for distribution to news outlets across the state, containing statistics for the period 2010 through 2012. These statistics will prove the effectiveness of the law, citing decreased beach erosion, increased civility and courtesy in the region, and double-digit economic improvement. This information will be used to support the group’s call to make the law permanent one year into the two year study period.
The last chapter of the manifesto details their final plan to require users of Braun Bay and other popular gathering spots to register their DNA so that Marine Patrol can identify those responsible for leaving certain ‘deposits’ behind.
