[Lakegeezer]

Having lived with a severe nut allergy for over half a century, I've learned that you need to read all the labels, ignore some of them, check three times at restaurants and accept that accidents happen. Here is some advice...
1) learn what she is allergic to, how little it takes to set her off and what happens when she is exposed. For me, close exposure to the smell of peanut butter makes my eyes start swelling shut and my throat tickle. However, if I ingest a dollop smaller than a water droplet, I'll be sick for hours. Walnuts and almonds cause only a tickle, but I still avoid them.
2) Remove peanut butter from your shelves and any thing like jelly or cream cheese that might have shared a knife.
3) Don't use peanut oil. Don't make hazelnut coffee. Read the ingredients of all candy, especially chocolate.
4) When a package says "made in a facility that processes food with nuts" or even "may contain nuts" - the lawyers are in charge and it is safe 80%+ of the time. Exceptions include sunflower seeds made by Planters, M&M Plain and Hershey's White Chocolate. She may be familiar with foods that come with a dose of false fear. Trust her judgement as much as you dare.
5) Don't trust Thai restaurants. Especially, the Green Ginger at RT 93 Exit 20. They may say a dish is peanut free but they don't seem to know.
6) Tell your server of her allergy. Most restaurants will cook in separate pans if there is a chance of cross contamination. Ask the server if what she is ordering is OK - and ask the server to check with the chef.
7) If you are unsure of baked products - ask. If they don't know and it is suspicious, be safe. Especially what guests bring to a party.
8) Involve her in the decision of what is safe. At 9, she knows what to stay away from. As her for stories of what mistakes she has made.
9) Know what to do in case of accidental exposure. In some cases, drinking lots of water and throwing it up (repeat 3-4 times) will rid the system of the allergen and minimize the symptoms. An epi-pen is for severe situations where breathing is impaired but is VERY scary to administer. A trip to the ER is warranted if a lot was ingested and/or if symptoms get bad quickly. A call to the hospital for advice won't hurt, especially since you won't know how she has reacted in the past.
10) For most of the people with nut allergies that I've run into - including myself - accidents happen. You get sick, lose your dinner, get sleepy for a while and are OK in about 4 hours or the next day. My worst case took me three days to get over. It is an protein anaphylactic reaction - if you want to do some google research.

Good luck, be careful but don't be too obsessive