Alton floating Walmart??

[Slickcraft]

Article in 3/31/2011 Baysider:

BY R.J. TREVLAC Contributing Writer ALTON — Tomorrow, Walmart is expected to announce that a revolutionary floating Walmart store is coming to Lake Winnipesaukee and that April and Ernest Phule of Alton will be the store’s inaugural greeters. A Walmart spokesperson in Arkansas confirmed that a press conference is scheduled for 10 a.m. Friday at the town beach in Alton Bay. She would neither confirm nor deny reports that a floating Walmart store will come to Alton Bay this summer. She did say,“Walmart’s legacy began with the opening of the first Walmart discount store in Rogers, Arkansas in 1962 and continued with the opening of the first Sam’s Club in Midwest City, Okla. in 1983. Tomorrow, in Alton Bay, we will announce a revolutionary advancement in shopping.”
Word of the floating Walmart leaked this week when April and Ernest Phule inadvertently disclosed that they had been hired by Walmart to be greeters at a new floating Walmart store that will anchor in Alton Bay during the summer.The Phules were at Hannaford’s yesterday welcoming customers to the store. Employees noticed the couple’s activities and asked what they were doing.Ernest explained that they were practicing for their new greeter job. “It’s a joy to be somewhere you feel welcome and it makes me feel good to make people happy.” Ernest elaborated, “We want to be prepared to greet folks on Memorial Day when the floating store opens." April asked that everyone keep it a secret until Friday. She whispered, “The Walmart people want it to be a big surprise. They were so nice to us last fall when we visited Arkansas and asked about being greeters.We had visited friends in Tilton a while ago and spent the day at the Walmart there. That’s when I realized that I wanted to be a greeter. Now my dream is coming true right here in Alton!”
The Phules hesitated to disclose everything they know about the floating store. April said, “It will look a little like the M/S Mount Washington, only bigger and much more square. They’re going to name it the M/S Mount Walmart.” The Phules would not confirm speculation that Walmart offered to pay the town of Alton to change the name of Mount Major to Mount Walmart. Ernest explained how customers will get to the store. “I think that’s the best part and what will make shopping at the floating Walmart so exciting. Everyone will be ferried to the store in speed boats. It’s a free ride.” The Phules expect the store to remain open until September. April added, “I sure hope they figure out how to keep it open year round. Can you imagine how fun it would be to skate, ski, or snow shoe to Walmart in the winter?” The Phules denied that there are plans for the M/S Mount Walmart to periodically sail to Meredith, Wolfeboro, Center Harbor and Weirs Beach. April exclaimed, “Oh no, the good people at Walmart are looking out for Alton, I’m sure of that.”
State and local zoning officials were perplexed. One official revealed, “It appears that there is a loophole that permits some corporations to circumvent the extensive regulatory process we have in Alton by operating on the water.” Another official said, “No one ever thought somebody would even think about doing something like this so no one ever thought to prohibit or regulate it.” Reaction has been mixed. Representatives for the Alton selectmen and Alton Police and Fire-Rescue Departments declined official comment, but individuals could be heard to mutter, “We really don’t need this now.” Hannaford’s also declined official comment and asked the Phules to either shop or leave. Many customers said they thought a floating Walmart would ruin the rural character of the community, but added that they looked forward to being greeted by the Phules.
Others were more favorable. Representatives of the tourist industry agreed that the floating Walmart will be a big attraction. “We expect that this will fill our motel rooms and generate lines again in our restaurants.We need the renaissance the floating Walmart will bring.” Another supporter said, “I get sea sick, but I heard they’re going to hand out barf bags, so I’m good with that.”
A large gathering is expected at the press conference to hear the official announcement. It is scheduled for the Harmony Park pavilion at 10 a.m.Before being escorted from Hannaford’s the Phules displayed the cloth Walmart bags expected to be distributed to those in attendance at tomorrow's event.