Peasant #1: We have found a witch, may we burn her?
Angry Mob: BURN HER! BUUUURN HER!!
Bedevere: How do you know she is a witch?
Peasant #2: She looks like one!
[mob roars in agreement]
Bedevere: Bring her forward.
"Witch": I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!
Bedevere: But you are dressed as one.
"Witch": They dressed me up like this.
[Witch removes her fake nose and "witch" hat]
Peasant #1: Well, we did do the nose.
Bedevere: The nose?
Peasant #1: And the hat. But she is a witch!
[mob roars in agreement]
Bedevere: Did you dress her up like this?
Angry Mob: NO! NO!
Peasant #1: ... Yes... a bit. But she has got a wart! [Peasant #2 points at her cheek]
Bedevere: What makes you think that she is a witch?
Mr Newt: What, she turned me into a newt!
Bedevere: A newt?
[pause]
Mr Newt: I got better.
Peasant 2: BURN HER ANYWAY!!!!
[mob roars in agreement]
Bedevere: Good! So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
Peasant #1: Build a bridge out of her!
Bedevere: Ahh, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
Peasant #1: Oh yeah.
Bedevere: Tell me, does wood sink in water?
Peasant #2: No, no, it floats. Floats!
Peasant #1: Throw her into the pond!
[mob roars in agreement]
Bedevere: No, no, no. What also floats in water?
Peasant #1: Bread.
Peasant #2: Apples.
Mr Newt: Very small rocks.
Peasant #1: Cider.
Peasant #2: Gravy.
Mr Newt: Cherries.
Peasant #1: Mud.
Peasant #2: Churches! Churches!
Mr Newt: Lead! Lead!
Arthur: [has been silent in the background] A duck.
[pause]
Bedevere: Exactly! So, logically...?
Peasant #1: ...If she weighs the same as a duck... then she's made of wood.
Bedevere: And therefore...?
[pause]
Peasant #2: A WITCH!
[mob roars in agreement]
Peasent #3: Here's a duck.
Bedevere: We shall use my largest scales. [Peasents 2&3 Set the duck and witch on the scale and hold up very large mallets] Remove the supports!
[Having been revealed to weigh the same as a duck, therefore proving her a witch. The crowd goes berserk.]
"Witch": It's a fair cop.
Mr. Newt: BURRRRN HER!
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