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#11 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,985
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Peasant #1: We have found a witch, may we burn her?
Angry Mob: BURN HER! BUUUURN HER!! Bedevere: How do you know she is a witch? Peasant #2: She looks like one! [mob roars in agreement] Bedevere: Bring her forward. "Witch": I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch! Bedevere: But you are dressed as one. "Witch": They dressed me up like this. [Witch removes her fake nose and "witch" hat] Peasant #1: Well, we did do the nose. Bedevere: The nose? Peasant #1: And the hat. But she is a witch! [mob roars in agreement] Bedevere: Did you dress her up like this? Angry Mob: NO! NO! Peasant #1: ... Yes... a bit. But she has got a wart! [Peasant #2 points at her cheek] Bedevere: What makes you think that she is a witch? Mr Newt: What, she turned me into a newt! Bedevere: A newt? [pause] Mr Newt: I got better. Peasant 2: BURN HER ANYWAY!!!! [mob roars in agreement] Bedevere: Good! So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood? Peasant #1: Build a bridge out of her! Bedevere: Ahh, but can you not also make bridges out of stone? Peasant #1: Oh yeah. Bedevere: Tell me, does wood sink in water? Peasant #2: No, no, it floats. Floats! Peasant #1: Throw her into the pond! [mob roars in agreement] Bedevere: No, no, no. What also floats in water? Peasant #1: Bread. Peasant #2: Apples. Mr Newt: Very small rocks. Peasant #1: Cider. Peasant #2: Gravy. Mr Newt: Cherries. Peasant #1: Mud. Peasant #2: Churches! Churches! Mr Newt: Lead! Lead! Arthur: [has been silent in the background] A duck. [pause] Bedevere: Exactly! So, logically...? Peasant #1: ...If she weighs the same as a duck... then she's made of wood. Bedevere: And therefore...? [pause] Peasant #2: A WITCH! [mob roars in agreement] Peasent #3: Here's a duck. Bedevere: We shall use my largest scales. [Peasents 2&3 Set the duck and witch on the scale and hold up very large mallets] Remove the supports! [Having been revealed to weigh the same as a duck, therefore proving her a witch. The crowd goes berserk.] "Witch": It's a fair cop. Mr. Newt: BURRRRN HER! |
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